Knowing when to shut up

After returning from a thrilling Law & Order: SVU or Castle type stint for the Poughkeepsie Journal (I covered a crime scene!) I returned to my daily tour of cnn.com and came across a headline that read "When you should just shut up and listen." Obviously, I'm all about finding out how to get people to stop talking...or at least stop talking about themselves. So I clicked on it.

Well it didn't actually address my issue, but it did offer some insight into when it's time to offer advice and when to shut up and let the other person talk, rant, whine, whatever.

Now I don't think I could abide by this "shut up tactic" if I was with a whiner--I hate whining so I guess I would put a twist on me shutting up and just tell the other person to shut up. But I can totally relate to what the article said about sometimes it being best to listen to what the other party has to say and not put in two cents. Nothing drives me crazier than when I'm venting about something and the other person tries to tell me either a) why I'm wrong, b) what I should do to improve my situation except their suggestion doesn't make sense or c) offer advice that is stupid because they're stupid and don't understand or relate to my situation.

Sometimes when we're angry, frustrated or upset we're talking because it makes us feel relieved to get it out--we don't necessarily want answers or commentary, we just want to be listened to. Therapists and counselors cited this mistake as the reason for many couples' problems and said once it was addressed, relationships improved.

I could think of a lot of people I know personally who might benefit from reading this article...people who think they know everything but really don't...people who always have to "be right"...people who always have something to complain about but don't care enough to listen to anyone else's problems because it's all about them...people...

On a side note, much of the latter part of the article laid out tips for being a "good listener" and a "supportive listener" provided by professionals and experts. I KNEW ABOUT EVERYTHING THEY SUGGESTED! It was all basic interpersonal communication skills that come as second nature to me but can be learned in any college communication course. So, I think this implies I could be considered a communication wiz on numerous levels and don't need a license, Phd. or any official documentation to put my skills to use. Anybody want to give me a job?