If I Should Die Before I Wake...

Last week I was pretty sure I was on my last breath since sickness had consumed me for the past three weeks. So, at the prompting of my daddy (although he probably didn't think I'd really do it), I drew up my last will and testament in about 12 minutes. Needless to say, if it had been the last piece of writing I ever produced, it's not half bad. Check it out

To Whom it May Concern,

As I, Alyssa Anne Jung, hover on the brink of death, teetering above the blistering lava and licking flames of Hell—because we all know I’m definitely not going to Heaven—I would like to lay out my last wishes in a clear and concise manner so as not to have my personal belongings, artifacts, staples of my life, strewn about every which way. Just because I will have departed this Earth, I think it’s safe to say if there were such thing as ghosts who seek revenge upon those who disobey their last wishes, I would be a strong candidate.

Yeah right, I don’t believe in Heaven, Hell or ghosts—there’s nowhere left to go but the cold, worm-laden soil to rot for eternity. I just wanted to leave you with one last bit of my creative persona, a glimmer of the writer I tragically never became. And all because in an effort to secure my future in this delicate world, I was forced to run myself into the ground, conducting interviews for the Oracle, interviews for the Journal, classes here, production night there without a moment to rest, ultimately succumbing to the woes of the common cold and the flu; not the way I had hoped to go down. As Chelsea Handler would say: what, a mess (emphasis on the what). Now let’s get down to business.

I would first and foremost like a closed coffin. I was always disturbed by those formaldehyde-pumped corpses and do not trust someone else to do my makeup correctly. Please refrain from cremation because one of my biggest fears is fire and burning to death. I would, however, like to make very clear that when my precious, adorable Furball must tragically take his last breath I want my casket reopened and his ashes nestled beside me. Take the money from my SEFCU account and hire somebody to dig me up.

Second, apparently I have to give Gregory Patrick Jung my car, at least this is what Thomas M. Jung told me to do. So, I concur that he be required to complete the payments from his own bank account. With regard to my savings, whatever money is not needed to dig me up I allow Thomas M. Jung and Lynnanne Pecheone Jung to acquire. Nobody else. Most of that money is hard-earned and they should take it as compensation for raising me and sending me to college; it is well deserved.

I would also like to make very clear that I do not want a funeral, for being remembered in a church is quite unfitting. Instead, a wake can be held and instead of flowers cash donations to my family should be requested. Just kidding. But seriously, no flowers.

All of my clothing shall be given to a charity after Lynnanne Pecheone Jung picks what she wants and all of my jewelry, bags and nail polish shall go to Lynnanne Pecheone Jung. My shoe collection (tear) can be donated to charity as well…I guess, since nobody else fits into them.

All of my music and DVDs can be given to Erika Christine Savage and my blue iPod shall be given to Thomas M. Jung to give him the song space he complains about. My white iPod shall be given to Gregory Patrick Jung since he has a jazz addiction and will eventually run out of space.

The following items shall also be given to Gregory Patrick Jung for use in college:

15inch Sylvania television, HP Compaq laptop, eco-friendly desk lamp, Lexmark desk printer, Sony alarm clock, laptop bag, dorm pillows, all the storage containers.

To be buried with me:

Elmo, blankie, my cell phone, Hannah Montana blanket, Eric Moulds/Peerless Price jersey and my Hillary Clinton letter. I would like to be buried with my 2 necklaces intact and my large gold hoops.

You might notice that my personal belongings have been divvied up between family and face-less donations. Let us remember that I did not like people.

Thank you for your consideration and respect for these last wishes. Should any controversy arise surrounding the above terms…well don’t let that happen. It’s been a nice ride. Peace.

Fondly,

Alyssa Anne Jung